juliespeaks

The unvoiced thoughts and ideas of a septegenarian.

HUMOR

on May 11, 2012

HUMOR       

 

I have decided all of my posts need not be serious, and if it is t rue that variety is the spice of life, I offer here a few things I find humorous.  I hope they brighten your day

 

ONE LINERS

 

“More and more of our imports are coming from overseas”. (George Bush)  How brilliant of you Georgie!

 

“I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.” (Stephen King)  Wouldn’t Freud love this guy?.

 

“Men have two emotions; Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.”  No comment.

 

“Well, aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.” The ultimate insult.

 

 

Excerpted lines from my poem, “MOTHERHOOD”

 

After you deliver them obstetrically you’ll deliver them by car – endlessly . . .

That’s motherhood

At the end of each day you’ll forget the spaghetti in junior’s hair,

You wish you had time to shave both legs at once –That’s motherhood. . .

Wishes shift from a cruise to a responsible baby sitter – That’s motherhood

You count the chocolate chips on each kid’s cupcake

Live on macaroni and cheese instead of tuna salad. . .That’s motherhood. . .

When they’re teen agers you hug them  to sniff for booze or pot. . .

To remain sane you avoid entering their bedrooms,. . .

Reluctantly write a check for Driver’s Ed – That’s motherhood . . .

You’ll come to believe that grandchildren

Are God’s gift for raising your own kids – That’s motherhood . . .

 

 

A JOkE

 

A  team of archaeologists was excavating inIsraeland came upon a cave. Written on the wall of care were the following symbols in this order.

A dog               A donkey         A shovel           a fish                A Star of David

 

They held a meeting to discuss the meaning of the inscriptions and  concluded the dog meant they had animals for companionship; the donkey meant they were smart enough to have animals help till the soil; the shovel meant they had  tools to help them; the fish meant that in times of famine they fished for food; and the Star of David meant they were obviously Jews.

 

Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, “I object to every word.  Everyone knows Jews don’t read from left to right, but from right to left.  Now, look again – It says:  “HOLY MACKERAL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT BITCH.”

 

Have a joke or a humorous comment you want to share?  Do so.

 

Julie Rose

Julierose601@gmail.com

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: