The unvoiced thoughts and ideas of a septegenarian.


on April 4, 2012

This is another in a collection of children’s stories featuring The Old Witch and the many odd characters who live with her.


Once there was a warlock named Slobbola who was the world’s biggest slob. One day he knocked on the Old Witch’s door and the minute she opened it he said to her, “Please let me live with you, Old Witch. I have no place else to go.”

The Old Witch met Slobolla once before in another life and she knew about Slobbola’s messy habits but she felt sorry for him and thought maybe he’d changed. “Well,” she said, I’m not sure about that. I would like to help you Slobolla, but I will not tolerate a slob living in my house.”

Slobolla started to cry, turned away from the door and started to leave.

“Wait,” said the Old Witch. “I’ll give you a chance. Don’t let me down.”

“I’ll try,” he said.

Slobolla did try but he remained a slob.  His bedroom looked like a battlefield. Things were thrown all around the floor and draped all over the chairs. He kicked his dirty clothes under the bed.  He was always dirty, messy, disorganized.  He never washed a dish, and never picked up his dirty socks. He did, however, keep the door to his room closed so the others wouldn’t have to look at his mess.

The day soon came when the very neat and tidy Wizard said to the Old Witch, “I can’t stand Slobbola’s messiness any more.  He makes the whole house look like a pigpen. This morning he came in from the yard and tracked mud all over the floor.  Yesterday I had to fish hair out of the bathtub after he got out. Either he goes, or I do!”

The same day, everyone else in the Old Witch’s said just about the same thing.  They all threatened to leave unless the Old Witch got rid of Slobbola.

By the end of the day the Old Witch knew she had a big problem.

Rusty, the Skeleton, asked the Old Witch, “Why don’t you just tell Slobbola to leave and take his mess somewhere else?”

“Because Slobbola has nowhere else to live,” she said.  “And, I like him. Sometimes he’s funny and he makes me laugh.”

“But he gets on our nerves,” said Rusty. “Do something, Old Witch, or we are all out of here. You’d better do it fast because everyone is already packing their suitcases.”

The Old Witch had to find a solution or soon the only guest in her house would be Slobbola. She liked having all the others around. They made her life interesting and she didn’t want them to leave so she sent Slobbola a telepathic message and asked him to come to her room for a little chat.

“Why are you such a slob?” she asked him.  You are causing me no end of trouble. Everyone wants to leave me because they can’t stand your messiness.”

“If I tell you,” said Slobbola, “I’ll be turned into a frog forever.”

“Ah, ha,” the Old Witch said. “Someone placed an evil spell on you. Right?”

“Slobbola replied, “I can’t . . .  I can’t tell you anything.”

Immediately the Old Witch knew that Slobbola was the victim of evil magic and being a slob was part of the curse. She reached out and took hold of Slobbola’s sticky hand and said, “Poor fellow.  The Evil One got you, didn’t he?  I will remove the curse he put on you.”

Right away she went to her library of magic books to look for the answer to the problem. With the help of the Wizard, the Phantom and the Weasel it took only a few hours to find the solution to Slobbola’s problem. The magic words were on page 125 in the Book of Curses. Before the Old Witch could say the magic words, the doorbell rang.

“Old Witch, Old Witch, this is Sara. May I please come in?”

“Sure Sara.  Come in.  You’re going to love watching what I am about to do.” The Old Witch then told Sara all about Slobbola and his curse and what she intended to do about it.

“Wait,” said Sara.  “You might be making a mistake. My Daddy told me you must not act quickly when things appear to be simple,” said Sara. “You must look for traps and devious evil plots.”

“Sara is 100% right,” said the suspicious Weasel. “The removal of Slobbola’s curse looks too simple. It may be some kind of a trap and I don’t want to be trapped.”

“Nobody is going to trap anybody here,” said the Old Witch. “I want to hear what everybody has to say about this before we decide what to do. Let’s take a break and think carefully about what Sara and the Weasel have said before we do anything”.

“Old Witch,” said Sara. “I’m a little hungry.  Can we can have some Chinese ribs and egg rolls during our recess?”

“Of course, Sara,” she said. “Take orders from everyone. Call Won Ton Tony and place an order. I’ll have some Mongolian Beef and thanks for warning all of us. You were right and we do have to think this over carefully before we take any action.”

“Rumple, food’s coming,” hollered Sara. For the next hour everyone enjoyed the tasty Chinese food delivered by Won Ton Tony. When the last little rib and the last fortune cookie were gone everyone except Slobbola felt full and ready for a nap. Poor Slobbola’s stomach was twisted in knots and he couldn’t eat. What would happen to him if the Old Witch made a mistake when she removed the curse placed on him by the Evil One. He couldn’t forget the Evil One’s words: “If you tell your friend, the Old Witch, and she tries to remove my curse, watch out! I’ll put another one on you.”

It was their turn so Sara, Rumple and Mr. Googolplex cleaned up the kitchen. Everyone else started to talk about Slobbola’s problem.

“In my judgment,” said the Phantom, who had fought many battles with the Evil One, “this curse was placed on Slobbola by the Evil One.”

“I agree,” said Count Morbid. “We must beware of his deadly tricks. We can’t underestimate his cleverness and his intelligence.”

Then Sara, who had just finished sweeping the kitchen floor, said to everyone, “Let’s just do the unexpected.  That’s what my Daddy always tells me to do in times like this.”

“Yikes!” screamed the Old Witch.  “I have a great idea.  It doesn’t involve the risk of using magic at all.  Let’s trick the Evil One into removing the curse himself,” she said.

“How?” asked everyone.

“Simple.  We just take advantage of rule #43, which is the hospitality rule. That rule says that all witches, warlocks, ghosts, gremlins, and all others from our world, must accept all visitors into their homes for two weeks if they are homeless.  Let’s pretend to throw Slobbola out of my house and send him to stay with the Evil One for two weeks.”

“I get it,” said the Wizard. “The Evil One will be driven crazy by Slobbola’s messiness and he’ll have to remove the curse. Right?”


“What if the Evil One just ignores rule #43 and won’t let Slobbola stay at his house?” asked Sara.

“Then we report it to the Sorcerer, the enforcer of our rules,” said the Old Witch.

“Who is the Sorcerer?”

“You have a lot to learn about our world, Sara,” said the Old Witch. “You can compare the Sorcerer to the head honcho of the FBI. He has the power to enforce our rules. Not even the Evil One dares to offend the Sorcerer.”

“Wow!” said Sara.  “I’d like to meet this . . . this . . what is he?  A Ghost?  A Warlock?”

“When you are older, Sara,” said the Old Witch, “and I have taught you much more about us, then you can meet the Sorcerer, if he chooses to meet you.  He does not like to meet ordinary human beings.”

The Old Witch’s plan worked out just the way she hoped it would. On his first day in the Evil One’s house, Slobbola left bacon grease on the kitchen floor, dirty socks on the living room couch, a pile of hair in the bathroom sink and four wet towels in the bathtub. The second day Slobbola tracked mud through the whole house, spilled his hot chocolate all over the kitchen floor and kicked his smelly t-shirt under the stove. By the third day the Evil One couldn’t even take a shower without first cleaning up the bathroom. On the fourth day the Evil One gave up and removed the curse. It took the poor guy almost a whole week to clean up the rest of Slobbola’s mess.

Soon after the Evil One removed the curse, Slobbola appeared on the Old Witch’s front porch. “Look at Slobbola!” everyone said when he walked into the house. He was dressed in a very stylish blue suit and striped red tie. He had a crisp, white handkerchief in his breast pocket and there wasn’t a smidgen of grease or dirt on his hands. Even his fingernails were clean and his shiny shoes glowed.

“Hello everyone,” he said.  “I’m back and . . . hey . . . this place is a mess! I see dust on the rug and what’s that cobweb doing in the corner up there? How come nobody’s swept the kitchen floor since I left? Whose dirty sneakers are parked over there by the door? Gee, you guys are messy. Where’s the vacuum cleaner?”

Slobbola then handed the Old Witch an envelope with a message from the Evil One.

“My dear, disgusting Old Witch:” it said.

“Congratulations!  You won this battle but our war is by no means over.  Sooner or later I will defeat you and claim leadership of our world.  For now you can have Slobbola back.  You will soon find out that Slobbola is no longer a slob. Has he started to vacuum your rugs yet?  HaHaHa. Don’t bother trying to send Slobbola back to me again. I have sold my house and moved to my secret home inTransylvania.

Worst regards, The Evil One”

When the Old Witch finished reading the letter, everyone started to laugh and laugh and laugh some more. They stopped when they heard a noise that got louder and louder and louder.  Over the drone of the vacuum cleaner, they could hear Slobbola repeating over and over again, “I hate dust. I hate dirt. I hate slobs. I hate cobwebs.”

The Wizard looked at the Old Witch and said, “Our old Slobbola no longer exists. This new guy is like a stranger.  He’s so clean! Maybe he’ll wash everyone’s clothes and even clean the basement!”

That is how Slobbola got a new name, a name no one is likely to forget. He is now called Mr. Clean.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: